Amicus Animae (Friend of the Soul)
by alecsangryface
Summary: Jace and Alec reflect on their relationship, and maybe they talk to each other about some of it.


**A/N: I'm very emotional because of Jalec. There is not nearly enough fic about them being bros and their relationship dynamics beyond Alec having a bit of a crush. I plan to write a lot more about them.**

"What's it like having a parabatai?" Clary asked Jace one day after training, they had been doing it that a lot lately, since Valentine was gone and there were no immediate threats Jace had taken it upon himself to see to Clary's training. Although, Isabelle was adamant in aiding him because she knew what he was like and how likely it was they would become distracted.

She had noted the rune – instinctively knowing which one it was without having to have been told – over the left half of Jace's chest. It pulsed with an energy that was far unlike any other rune.

Jace almost looked like he had been caught off guard, like he hadn't expected Clary to ask him on of the most difficult questions there was to answer. He glanced down at the rune, a swirling black badge of commitment and he felt… love?

"Unconditional love" He said decisively after a minute of Clary thinking that he was ignoring her, or at least didn't want to answer; she was shocked that he did.

"I know that whatever I do, whatever happens Alec will have my back" He paused to smile like Clary had never seen before and laughed at himself, "Even if he cusses me out and tells me how stupid I am, I know he still loves me"

Clary felt a sharp pang of jealousy when he said that, but she quickly pushed it away. Rationally she knew it was different. She knew it was exactly how she was with Simon, this wasn't something she wanted to be hypocritical about.

"What about you then? Do you love Alec unconditionally?" Clary asked as she watched him put his shirt back on, the rune disappearing under the fabric; if she squinted she could see the black pulse through it.

"Of course. He's the other half of my soul" Jace said it so nonchalantly that Clary couldn't help the pang of jealousy she felt this time. Not for thinking that Alec might take Jace away from her – she knew he wouldn't, not anymore – but because she wished she had that much assurance in her bond with Simon.

/0\

Alec was laid on his front, head pillowed on his forearms, slowly drifting into sleep as Magnus traced the runes on his back; even the old iratze scars that he once hated.

"What does it feel like?" Magnus whispered, his fingers going over and over the parabatai rune on his right shoulder. Alec barely heard him, too lost in comfort to do little more than make a questioning noise in the back of his throat.

"What does having a parabatai feel like?" He asked again, stilling his fingers so that Alec would listen to him. Although he did have a smile on his face because sleepy Alec was adorable.

Alec huffed a large breath out of his nose and his eyebrows knitted together in concentration. After a second of this he rolled over and caught Magnus' left hand and turned it palm up so the faint alliance rune was showing on his wrist.

"Do you remember how this felt?" He asked softly. Magnus nodded, "Well it's exactly like that but ten times as strong and better and permanent. Or at least it's supposed to be"

Magnus used his other hand to stroke the hair at Alec's temples. Alec looked so hurt that it hurt Magnus himself, he couldn't imagine what he was going through. Magnus had lost people before, but never to this magnitude.

"Talk to me, darling" Magnus coaxed him gently, he wanted to help Alec however he could, but it had to start with Alec actually acknowledging how he felt and not stamping it down.

Alec sighed, dropping Magnus' hand and using it to ruffle his hair. It was clear to Magnus that he was agitated; that he was holding a lot it. He was breaking at the seams.

"I asked him every day since Borcelind what was wrong. I could feel it" Alec said in a harsh whisper.

"You couldn't have known, darling" Magnus told him, slowly lying down so that their sides were pressed together.

"But I could!" Alec growled, "It was like the part of me knew he was disconnected. I was numb!" Alec flew from the bed to start pacing the floor, hands tugging at his hair. He had never been good at displaying emotions, anger was pretty much the only way he knew how to deal with it.

"The part of me that was connected to Jace was perpetually numb, like it knew where it's other half was but there was a block of some kind"

Magnus could do nothing but watch Alec's pacing and be there for him when he needed. It was better to let him get all of his frustrations out, at least that way he wouldn't be repressing himself. Eventually he sat back down, at which point Magnus laid a hand over the rune in question, the one that seemed to be throbbing in pain.

"What about now?" Magnus whispered once Alec had finally calmed down enough to lay down, "How do you feel now?"

Alec's entire body seemed to be overtaken with fatigue then, despair and fatigue. He pulled in a shuddery breath, "Wrong" he whispered, eyes never leaving the ceiling.

"Everything feels wrong. I'm holding my hand out in the void and nothing is coming to grab it, I thought there might have been something the other day. Guess I was wrong" He laughed humourlessly at the concept, everything was wrong with Jace.

Magnus had never been angrier at the parabatai bond between Alec and Jace, something that was supposed to make them stronger, better that would leave them so broken if it was severed. It was laughable that he used to be jealous of the connection between the two of them. He vowed never to be again.

/0\

When Jace was returned to them with holy fire in his veins Alec could hardly acknowledge the relief in his bones because Magnus was hurt.

They all took their turns welcoming Jace back. Clary had attached herself to his side and didn't seem to ever be letting go. Isabelle hugged him fiercely as little sisters always did, tears threatening to spill from the corners of her eyes. Even Simon and Magnus shared brief but meaningful hugs with him, a silent _'thank you'_ for _'looking after them'_ and _'coming back alive and well'_.

Then it was Alec's turn, and he was pulled forward as if magnets were forcing them together; an unshakable force. To others it may have looked like two star-crossed lovers who were reunited despite all odds and obstacles in their way. To those that knew it was so much more.

As soon as their embrace began the visible signs of the separation disappeared. The tension in Alec's shoulders, the worry lines in Jace's forehead, and they whispered tiny sentences that meant the world.

 _I missed you_

 _I love you_

 _I'm so sorry_

When they finally pulled away – not even arm's length apart – it was with ragged breaths but relieved smiles. With shaking hands Alec's reached to hold Jace's face, keeping their gazes locked, Jace's own hands a lot steadier circled Alec's wrists, needing his own reminder of Alec's still and steady pulse.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Alec asked quietly, barely loud enough for the others – who were pretending to ignore them – to hear them.

"Why didn't you tell me you're gay?" Jace replied, trademark smirk lighting up his face in a clear deflection. Alec closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long-suffering sigh as Jace's hand fell limply to his side like a wounded animal pulling an injured limb away from aid.

"It's not the same" Alec whispered furiously.

With that whispered sentence their moment was broken into tiny shards that would fit themselves forever into the makeup of their bond, bits of slag to harden the alloy that was Alec and Jace; and they were arguing once more.

There was no malice. Not really. Jace had never been so happy to be berated by Alec. Alec had never been so happy to be baited by Jace. They could finally breathe again. The world made sense again. They were _AlecandJace_ once more, two whole people together to make a bigger and better whole. There would be no more separation, not like this at least.

They talk about it later when they can be alone and let their walls down like they used to. They're sat on the institute roof, sides perfectly lined up, needing the closeness to reassure that this is real, that they are back together.

"I don't care what happens, but we can't be like that ever again" Alec says after a long while of the two of them just revelling in the feeling of being whole again.

"I'm kinda glad that I didn't have to feel it like you did. I'm not sure I would have survived" Jace whispers, like it was a crime for him to admit that.

"I'm glad too" Alec smiles sadly, just the thought of the pain made his chest ache and compress, but he was glad that Jace didn't have to go through that and be with Sebastian in the way that he was.

"But you're right." Jace said finally, "Never again. I did miss you, Parabatai"

Alec rolled his eyes and shoved Jace's shoulder, there was no point in dwelling on the pain it would only make it worse. They had to move forward, there was too much to do. They could save the soppy moments for after they win a war. But if neither of them let the other out of their sight for the next few days, well no one mentioned it.

 **A/N: Please Review**


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